Change For Myself Means Change for Others

What a wanky self indulgent title.....

I'm in the middle of another career-job-responsibility change and i'm not sure how i feel.

i'm excited, but also apprehensive. I want to be sure that the work i'm doing at the moment doesn't dig a bigger hole for my employer. I don't want my co-workers to blame me for stuffing up their jobs and therefore their lives.

i want to improve everything but i want others to tell me the right way to do it.

i mentioned to someone yesterday that my career path since 2003 from filing clerk to payroll to developer and now i'm architecting a 10 year plan for the whole company. It's crazy that in this organisation that it's possible, because you wouldn't get that impression from talking to anyone else.

The work i'm doing needs to be more than just my opinion, every time a developer comes in the door the standard of the day becomes whatever they want.

Everyone in the department needs to change their focus to at least include a 10,000 foot view of the world. We need to fix things for the future, not just for now. The big picture determines what services will be providing in the next couple years. If you don't speak up, some manager will decide. That doesn't work for me.

I'm spending so much time caring about what happens, that i need to stop now and actually get things working. More than proof of concept, proving that my collation of ideas, my filter, is correctly aligned with where we all need to go.

i disgust me, i hate my arrogance. i look down on others who talk/write like i do. this internal conflict is causing me some damage... if i think i sound arrogant what does that mean others think. it's all opposite. anytime i'm actually angry, people think i'm calm. any time i'm calm people think i'm angry. mental issues FTW!