Change For Myself Means Change for Others

What a wanky self indulgent title.....

I'm in the middle of another career-job-responsibility change and i'm not sure how i feel.

i'm excited, but also apprehensive. I want to be sure that the work i'm doing at the moment doesn't dig a bigger hole for my employer. I don't want my co-workers to blame me for stuffing up their jobs and therefore their lives.

i want to improve everything but i want others to tell me the right way to do it.

i mentioned to someone yesterday that my career path since 2003 from filing clerk to payroll to developer and now i'm architecting a 10 year plan for the whole company. It's crazy that in this organisation that it's possible, because you wouldn't get that impression from talking to anyone else.

The work i'm doing needs to be more than just my opinion, every time a developer comes in the door the standard of the day becomes whatever they want.

Everyone in the department needs to change their focus to at least include a 10,000 foot view of the world. We need to fix things for the future, not just for now. The big picture determines what services will be providing in the next couple years. If you don't speak up, some manager will decide. That doesn't work for me.

I'm spending so much time caring about what happens, that i need to stop now and actually get things working. More than proof of concept, proving that my collation of ideas, my filter, is correctly aligned with where we all need to go.

i disgust me, i hate my arrogance. i look down on others who talk/write like i do. this internal conflict is causing me some damage... if i think i sound arrogant what does that mean others think. it's all opposite. anytime i'm actually angry, people think i'm calm. any time i'm calm people think i'm angry. mental issues FTW!

we aren't agile

it's been a year since i wrote the last post. my attempts at 'doing' agile in our team has failed.. a lot has been learnt.

don't get me wrong i'm upset about it. i think our current culture in the company wants to fail. the overriding push i get from above is, shhh don't stick your head out. don't make noise. don't share your opinion with anyone outside. don't speak up that you have a better way to do it. but when things are going wrong, why didn't you speak up?

guess what? i'm gonna do what i think is the right thing to do.. because after the dust settles i'll still be there to clean up the mess. probably not... more likely keep the mess contained and support it. until we can spend a couple more million dollars on a system that promises to fix our company and all of it's processes...

why doesn't our business fix itself. there must be a point at which someone somewhere raises the question to someone in our department to ask for involvement.. there must be a point at which early on we could allocate some resources to manage the project.. or at least guide them.

or is it just that we are looked down upon? look at the mess we are in and how we aren't able to fix it. so we let people crap all over our systems and dig the hole deeper.

these analogies are coming thick and fast recently. 'digging the hole deeper' i must say at least twice an hour...

is it bad that i'm airing dirty laundry... don't care. ill send this tomorrow to my bosses. it will be like all my previous complaints. deaf ears falling again.....

because i care. because i want better for my employer.. because the work we do is more important than the political bullshit that we have wade through to get anything done. it is. we need to provide better for our dependants.. our stakeholders need help. the world is in the shit at the moment. why do we have so many people in suits determining the outcomes of people in need... get the people with problems helping us spend the money.

they should all be hung for wasting this money. it's money taken from the mouths of children. of the homeless. it's money that has not benefited the needy in anyway. where's the accountability.